Years ago I was part of a really popular RP club on an art based website. My character, A, ended up gaining an interest in V, along with someone else OC, X, and so a rivalry started between our two characters (A&X). Now there was no trouble there, we had a lot of fun with that, the trouble was the owner of V made it seem like their character was going to end up with one of ours “but V just couldn’t choose yet”. We did our best to take it in stride, and I think for the most part we thought it would just be this endless silly cycle. Until it turned out the owner of V had already paired their character ages ago, just never mentioned it to us and from what we gathered was just doing this for their own personal benefit.
Since my A wasn’t looking for love they weren’t crushed, and therefor nether was I, but apparently Vs owner had led on Xs owner a whole lot more, leading to a very sad situation.
Since then Vs owner had flipped flopped all over the place, and has become one of the most passive aggressive people I have ever met. They can be fun, and I even share interests with them, but then they’ll just change in the blink of any eye and become something I don’t like. We end up being in the same groups, so while I’m not following this person about its hard to avoid them unless I was to throw out my own interests/don’t want to apply to the group. But every time we talk I feel like I’m being guilted about something, or being treated very poorly over something I don’t even know or understand. I’ve tried talking to them, but they don’t really touch on the topic, and on some level I feel like they don’t see me as “worth their time”. I don’t think I can be friends with this person, but I want to be civil since they’re in some of the circles I’m in and get along with others, and I don’t want to be the one person who is making a face in the corner. So I guess I’m wondering how do I do this thing? Avoiding them in the group has led to little interaction with other groups members, but interacting with them is just frustrating. Right now I just feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I’ve been here for years! Any advice you have at all I’d be grateful for, cause I’d just like to shed this chip on my shoulder that won’t seem to go away.
This is a type of situation where a big conversation needs to happen between you and V, on all the topics you’ve discussed here. I would send them a message (preferably on some sort of messenger handle if you can, that way they may have a better chance of seeing it if you’re roleplaying here on tumblr).
Here is what I would send to them:
Hey. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but a conversation needs to happen between you and I. I’m not attacking you in any way, but we do need to talk. I have this feeling that I’m not worth your time any time we do talk, and that sometimes you leave the impression that I’m being guilted about something. (Offer examples if you can). Ever since the situation with pairings between you, me and X, things have just been off and I think we need to come to some sort of resolution. We have similar interests, and that means we’re probably going to end up in the same roleplay groups, as we have been, but I think the fact you and I don’t properly communicate in a positive manner leaves me with little to no interaction with the other group members, because you and I are avoiding each other, more or less. I just want us to be civil and at least decently positive to one another so that this doesn’t become an increasingly more hostile relationship, really, over nothing. Do you think we can work on this?
You lay everything out on the table on top of telling them how you feel about the situation. That’s important and I would encourage you to talk to them in the most civil manner possible, even though they may not be very nice at the beginning of this conversation. Just be polite, but frank at the same time. Get your message across. You don’t have to compromise in your interests just because you have this one person as a bit of an obstacle or challenge in your way.
The two of you can work something out if the two of you are willing. If the conversation steers into a negative direction and you aren’t sure what to do, you can come back to me for more guidance.
I hope this helps and that everything goes well.